%

I was never good at math—but lately everything I see seems to be numbers numbers numbers. It's a possibly detrimental conspiracy for someone who loves letters and words and long strings of sentences. What's the deal? What's with all these numbers?

How is it that some things...

...take 100% concentration, when we really only use 10% of our brains? 

May I ask:

What's with the economy and all this 99% business?

And while we're on money:

Where's the money, Lebowski?

69 cents — Isn't that 69% of a dollar?

Oh! And wait a second. What percentage of the senate is female? Huh? Also: while we're speaking of demographics, why is Portland made up of 49% homeless and 49% hipster?

On the topic of cleanliness:

Does washing your hands kill any percentage of germs?

And

Just what percentage of history is truth and just how much of it is this?

I'm talking about unchecked aggression here, dude. These numbers are killing me. Really. Shapes and colors—that's my forte.